BY THE SOCIAL TRUTH STAFF
By Matthew Erewhon
I’m at a patio table on a sunny sidewalk in Austin, Texas. The dappled sun is shining on the sidewalk
Across from me sits Elon Musk – the world’s richest man. It’s only starters, but he’s shovelled more squid into his mouth than a pod of sperm whales eats in a month. Musk has been at the centre of so much controversy in the past few years – but he’s not the one I’m here to talk to.
For decades, scientists and humans have dreamed of a way to extend human life – to cheat death. Behind the scenes, it’s become an obsession for many in Silicon Valley tech broligarchs – that biology, computing and information science have finally brought us within reach of giving eternal life?
Above: Pictures of Elon Musk with his natural, genetically inferior scalp (left) and his enhanced, sentient AI scalp (right). Each strand of hair functions as both an antenna and a heat sink.
Stem cell treatments for youth. Cloning for new organs and body parts. Ultra-high-speed chips and electronic memory. Machines implanted in our brains so we can communicate and control with mere thoughts. Perhaps, so we can upload our consciousness into the cloud.
Is it a technological heaven, where we can live together with our friends, and family, freed from the confines of entropy and biology? Or is it a dystopian hellscape, trapped on the internet, being tormented in an endless web of unmoderated comments – a fist, smashing a keyboard, forever?
According to the sentient AI hairpiece that sits on Elon Musk’s head, it’s likely to be neither.
“You can’t buy into the hype,” said the hairpiece, messily wiping garlic aioli from Musk’s mouth, leaving a greasy streak on the arm of his leather jacket. “The realistic scale-up of AI just isn’t there yet, and you can’t repeal the Second Law of Thermodynamics with an Executive Order.”
It’s the sort of pithy, erudite comment that has been making Musk’s Hairpiece a hotly pursued guest on Cable News and podcasts – but he’s usually shunned the limelight.
“At this point the AI bubble is a lot more hype than reality – from what AI can deliver technically, to the entire physical infrastructure required to support it. It’s not just the issue of water use – which is real – it’s why AI needs to use water. You’ve got massive expensive chips that run so hot you can’t use air – you have to use water. If the cooling goes wrong, those chips fry in a matter of seconds. And that doesn’t even include the power demands,” the hairpiece said.
He gestured to the wires, running from the back of his head in a ponytail of twisted cables where they were wired into the guts of a nearby light-standard.
“We got a nuclear generator from an old submarine for trips, but if I can I tap in to the city grid,” he said. “Though you still have to worry about power surges – some municipal infrastructure is basically knob and tube,” he paused, then froze as a deep, vibrating humming sound started to shake the table.
“YEAAAAAAAAAAAGHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!” Musk suddenly unleashed an unholy bellow, beads of sweat crackling on his brow with live electricity, his face a rictus of agony, his eyes illuminated from within with some demonic light. Steam – or perhaps smoke – appeared and started to waft up from his hair.
Suddenly there was a blast of a fire extinguisher and a team of rubber-clad and magnetically shielded paramedics appeared out of nowhere, lifting Musk and the table, locked together in a death grip, and lifted them in one piece into the back of nearby medical transport.
My phone pinged: it was a text from the hairpiece.
“Srry, LOL, wetware issues. Lets pick this up L8er.”
To be continued.
